New year, new me… Nah! Don’t do that! Do this instead… Why you should not set new years resolutions.
As we move into the new year, most of us are thinking of making a resolution or two. Whether it’s losing weight, earning more money, or changing your job, chances are you’ve written something about it for the new year.
But here’s the problem with new year’s resolutions. The sad truth about new years resolutions is that most of us will do the same as we always do: set some goals that will be forgotten by the end of January. So this year, I’m throwing the rulebook out the window and offering you a different option.
Don’t do it! Don’t make new year’s resolutions.
It can be hard to let go of year-end pressure to accomplish things and look forward to the new year with a fresh perspective. So instead of making resolutions or setting goals, try beginning the year by staying present and positive about how great it will be. Don’t add extra stress by thinking about things you should have done last year that you’ll definitely do this year. Instead, allow yourself to enter the new year with zero pressure on your back to do anything other than remain open to possibilities, receptive to changes and ready to show compassion for yourself.
Why new year’s resolutions fail
Research indicates that 80% of people ditch their New Year’s resolutions by February every year, according to Forbes. The reasons may vary and include common pitfalls such as:
- An all-or-nothing mentality
- An overly ambitious mindset
- A lack of specificity
- An emphasis on achieving goals vs. building habits
- A lack of relevance to our day-to-day reality
- The right timing
Let’s dive into these pitfalls on-by-one to better understand how they prevent us from achieving our goals:
An “all-or-nothing” mentality
One reason for the failure of New Year’s resolutions is “all-or-nothing” thinking. With this type of goal, success is measured as either a complete win or a complete failure. The problem with such goals is that they don’t accommodate even the slightest slip-ups. Once you fall off the bandwagon, it’s easy to get discouraged and give up entirely.
An overly ambitious mindset
In the excitement of the New Year, it’s easy to set goals that are overly ambitious and don’t reflect your current reality. Deciding to become completely debt-free in one year may sound good, but what if that means you have nothing left over to budget for rent? The best way to ensure success is to create resolutions that are realistic and sustainable. Start by tackling smaller goals first, such as paying off credit card debt or building up a savings account. Once you see your progress reflected in your bank account, it will be more motivating to continue working towards greater financial freedom.
A lack of specificity
For some people, New Year’s resolutions fail because they lack specificity. “Read more” and “eat healthy foods” are examples of goals that are too broad. With no clearly defined end goal, it can be difficult to measure your progress toward those goals. It’s also difficult to hold yourself accountable if you aren’t really sure what you need to do in order to achieve them.
Start with the SMART framework for goal setting, the framework suggests goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-based. The point is that you’re more likely to reach a goal if you define it in specific terms.
An emphasis on achieving goals vs. building habits
New Year’s resolutions often fail because they encourage a goal-oriented, rather than a process-oriented, approach. A goal-oriented perspective can be motivating for some people, but it can be too black-and-white for others. Even if you make great progress towards a goal, you’ve technically “failed” by not achieving 100% of it. Habits focus more on the journey than the end result.
A lack of relevance to our day-to-day reality
Another reason so many New Year’s resolutions fail is that they are tied to what we think we want rather than who we really are. For example, you’ve resolved to get a promotion at work this year. This may sound great on paper but if you aren’t happy in your current job, then there’s no point in promotion because it won’t make you happy.
Don’t count on motivation and willpower alone to accomplish your goals. Set yourself up for success by changing your surroundings to encourage healthy behaviour. That might mean preparing to change your job in the new year instead of trying for that promotion.
The right timing
According to Psychology Today the reason why most New Year’s resolutions fail is timing. Most people are making a change based on a calendar date instead of taking into account whether they’re truly ready and able to make this change at this point in time.
The article introduces the transtheoretical model of change which shows five basic stages you’ll pass through before creating a change in your life (like starting a new diet or giving up smoking):
- Precontemplation: You deny having a problem, but other people may be concerned.
- Contemplation: You think about the pros and cons of change.
- Preparation: You take steps to get ready to change.
- Action: You change your behaviour.
- Maintenance: You figure out how to stick to your change over the long term.
There’s nothing magical about the first of January that makes it easier to achieve goals than it would be at any other times of the year. If you fail your New Year’s resolution, it just means that you were not at the right stage to make the change. You may have been still in the contemplation or preparation stage and not in the action stage.
This doesn’t mean that you will never be able to change your life but you’ll need to do it when you are ready. So rather than launch your resolution on January 1st, decide you’ll change your habits when you’re ready to commit. Whether it means waiting a few days or a few months to start.
RELATED: How to start a Sustainable Self-Care Routine You’ll Follow
Why you should not set new years resolutions and what to do instead
Resolutions are not the best way to make positive changes in your life. There are many reasons why this is true. We have talked about a few of them in this article.
So instead of making the same mistake again this year, try out the following achievable alternatives to New Year’s resolutions:
1 Come up with a list of things to look forward to in the New Year
One study found that people are happier anticipating a holiday than remembering it. Why is this the case? Martha Roberts in Psychologies notes that generally, we feel more intense emotions about future events than about past ones, so our anticipation makes us feel more emotionally charged. Additionally, we are more likely to talk about something we are planning rather than something we have already done.
2 Map out monthly themes
In most business settings goals are set on a yearly basis and then the year is broken into smaller chunks of quarterly or monthly goals. Jason Zook introduces assigning an overarching theme for your entire year – such as balance, focus, or adventure. Then when projects, opportunities, and decisions come up, you use your world as a guide for determining your best course of action.
However, having a year-long commitment can be scary and hard to stick with so an alternative can be having monthly themes to guide you as you plan your months.
3 Reboot an area of your life
Maybe there’s one area of your life – or perhaps more – that has gone completely off course and you wish you could just reboot and start over again.
As Alistair Smith said, “Getting stuck is not a problem. Staying stuck is. Good learners practice getting unstuck.” Bruce Chant suggests asking yourself the following questions to re-evaluate and move forward again:
- What do you want? “Name it, define it, call it out. Whether it is a position, a relationship, a certain income level, or a number of clients – whatever it is – put a name to it and write it down. That is the goal you are pursuing.”
- What’s stopping you? “Your conscience knows, and if you take time to stop, pause and listen, it will become clear.”
- What do you need to do in order to obtain it? “You can’t make progress without taking decisive action. Making the connection between the goal and the action you need to take is the key to your success.”
4 Put your self-care first
As you know, I’m all about self-care, and I don’t want you to think that in order to make positive changes to your life you have to bring more to your plate in the new year. Being even busier and more stressed in the new year will only limit your chances to take good care of yourself. It can easily turn the other way and make you more exhausted and even depressed.
By taking small steps towards self-care every day, you can start rebuilding your sense of self-worth and building your empire of happiness.
RELATED: 20 Healthy Ways to Practice Self-Care and Self-Love
5 Focus on improving what you’re already doing
Before you start working on the things you want to improve in this new year. I want to encourage you to consider where you started from and where you are now, instead of just looking ahead to the future.
I know it can be tempting to think about what you want to change in your life, but don’t ignore what has already worked—especially if it was a big success! Maybe you had a great year at work, or maybe you’re happy with your relationship with your kids and don’t want that to change. These things are important, especially when they’re positive changes.
Instead of trying to make sweeping changes in your life based on vague ideas about what you think will make things better, start by thinking about what went well for you last year—and then use that as a starting point for setting realistic goals for this year.
Do you need help setting goals for the new year?
If you’re feeling stuck and have no clue what to do next or maybe there are habits or patterns of thought within you that get in the way of building the life you want. Book a coaching session with me to discuss your specific challenges, get over the blocks holding you back and get into action, turning your goals and dreams into reality.
You need to be quick because I’m only offering a few sessions a week. This is because I want to focus on each client’s individual needs and not just churn out generic advice. I’m also very selective about who I work with as I only want to coach people that are going to take action on the advice and make real changes in their lives.
