You can start over whenever you want. Some people think that they’re stuck with their life. They think that they don’t have a choice and that there’s nothing they can do about it.
They’re wrong. You can start over whenever you want, and we are constantly changing. If you had a clean slate and were starting over, who would you be? What would you want to do? How would you be different?
You can step into a new identity any time you want
You can step into a new identity any time you want. You can truly have a new start and you can define what that new is anytime you want. You have the right, ability and privilege to change your mind about anything that you want at any time that you like.
There are no rules about when or how to start over. You don’t need permission from anyone. If you’re ready to start over, then it’s time. You can make up your own rules about how long it takes to move on, what it means to be happy, and how much work is required to get there.
The truth is that we all start over at some point in our lives. We just don’t always notice it because it happens so gradually. It’s not like the moment when you realize that the person you’re dating is not the one you want to marry — that’s obvious. But there are also many less obvious ways that we change, such as:
When we leave behind a job we hated for a job we love (or vice versa).
When we break up with someone who didn’t treat us well and find someone who does.
When we move away from our hometown or city and start fresh somewhere new — or even change neighbourhoods within our current city!
We are constantly changing and evolving
Here’s the thing: nothing ever stays the same forever. Everything changes at some point for one reason or another –
whether it’s getting married or divorced, moving across the country or across town, having a baby or losing one — and sometimes those changes happen quickly and unexpectedly (like when someone dies).
We’re constantly changing and evolving as humans; there’s no way around it! And while we may not always like these changes or see them coming, they’re a natural part of being human. They help us grow, learn, and develop into better versions of ourselves.
In fact, I’d say that there’s no such thing as staying the same; it’s not in our nature! So if you’re thinking about how to change your life for the better or looking for inspiration on how to do so, here are some ways to embrace change.
If you had a clean slate? – Exercise
When I go out on walks I usually listen to motivational podcasts. One of the podcasts I listen to is The LifeCoach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo. In episode 455, New Starts, Brooke talks about having a clean slate and helps her audience wonder what their lives would look like if they could wipe their slate clean and start over.
So I want to invite you to do this exercise with me. If you had to redecide everything if you had, to go back into your life and wipe your slate clean and start all over again and you had nothing in terms of identity, and you had nothing in terms of any things in your life what would you choose to bring with you into your new life?
Relationships
Think about that in terms of your relationships, all your relationships in your life, your family, your friends, and everyone you’ve ever come in contact with would be moved to the side and you had a clean slate, who would you invite back into your life? And why? And then if you choose to let them into your life, how would you be with that person? Do you like the kind of person you are when you are with that person? What effects does that person have on you? Does the person add value to your life? Do you add value to their life? Would you change the boundaries you have with that person?
One thing to keep in mind is that you don’t need to delete a person from your life in order to be who you are but you also don’t have to keep a person in your life just because they’ve always been there.
Behaviours
Taking all the things you do on a regular basis. What are the things that you do that you love? Things you do that you’re proud of? What behaviours would you like to keep in your life? What behaviours would you like to let go of or maybe implement in your new life?
Think about the decisions you’ve made in your life. Would you buy your home again? Would you decorate it the same again? Would you wear the same clothes? Have the same hairstyle?
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Say yes to what you want and no to what you don’t want
Take a good look at your answers to the questions you’ve asked yourself before. Take what serves you with you on your new journey. If there are things that made you feel good about yourself in your old life, and they still resonate with who you are now, by all means, bring them along! For example, if you were an avid gardener who loved growing her own vegetables, then maybe that can continue into your new life as well. Or perhaps a particular sport or outdoor activity has always been enjoyable for you; by all means, carry that on in your new identity as well.
Be open-minded. Sometimes people don’t realize how much they need to change until they take a step back and look at their lives objectively. If this is the case for you then go ahead and embrace it! Your future self will thank you for being so brave!
Be willing to let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore. I’ve found that one of the hardest parts of reinvention is letting go of parts of yourself that no longer fit where you’re going next — whether those parts are physical possessions like old clothes or emotional baggage like feeling anxious about change or something else entirely like not having enough time to do everything right now but hoping someday soon will be different. It can be hard to let go, but if you hold on too tightly then it’s like trying to squeeze an elephant into a thimble. You’ll just end up with bruised fingers and broken dreams.
Some insights to keep in mind as you shift into your new identity
If you’re currently taking the steps to reinvent yourself, here are some insights to keep in mind as you shift into your new identity:
You don’t have to be an expert on everything. In fact, the less you know, the more opportunities you have for learning something new and valuable.
There will be people who will support you and others who won’t. You are meant to be happy about your own life. Some people may call you selfish because you make choices based on what you want in your life and not what they want in your life. It takes a lot of courage to be willing to let people be disappointed, to let people be upset, to let people be mad at you because of the choices that you’re making in your life.
You have more control over your life than you think. You may have been raised with beliefs about what’s possible, but those beliefs don’t mean anything unless you choose to believe them.
Your past doesn’t define who you are today. Your present circumstances don’t determine your future unless you allow them to do so. It doesn’t matter how far along you’ve come or how hard it was for you to get here — all that matters is where you’re going next!
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Learn to let go of the past
It’s important as you go through this new start experience that you learn how to let go and letting go means you let go of how you’ve always been. You let go of the parts of your identity that you are done with, that you don’t want anymore. And like I said, that’s challenging in some ways because people want you to stay the same and people will remind you of who you’ve been and they’ll define you by who you’ve been.
You can’t control their reactions or what they say or do but if we’re being honest, we all want to be liked by other people and when we change too much, other people don’t like us anymore and that can be painful.
And so it’s important for us to learn how to let go of those things that keep us stuck in old patterns and old stories because those things are not serving us anymore. And as long as we hold onto those things, we’re not really living our best life yet because there’s something about being stuck in our past that keeps us from moving forward into the future with confidence and joy.
Let go of perfection
I think people have this idea that if they don’t do everything perfectly then they’re failing or they’re not doing the right thing or they’re not doing enough work or they need to do more work because they haven’t reached their goal yet but what if we just relax about that? What if we realize that we don’t have to be perfect?
Changing yourself is a long-term project so you have to give yourself time. The problem is that most people don’t know how long it takes to change and they give up too early.
If you have tried to change before and failed, don’t be discouraged! You can learn from your mistakes and try again. Just keep in mind that there are no overnight successes, it takes time and effort to get where you want to be.
Are you ready for your new start?
So, what’s the secret to living a life that you love? Start over. Start over in your relationships with others, with the environment, and most importantly with yourself. If you start letting go of all of the things that are not serving you then you will start to experience a completely new life. It may take some time, but it’s worth making the change as you are changing who you are as a person. I hope my insights have helped give you a better sense of where to begin.
